si kuya cois.

this is a post that has been long overdued....

two days (i think) before Christmas Day when i happened to drop by the media center...the hub for reporters covering the poc-psc beat..i was brimming with enough smiles that would put the Baywalk's lamposts to shame.
when i opened MC's well-badgered door, i saw kuya Cois inside.
i found myself beyond smiling.

he was sweaty and flushed, the perfect picture of a basketball tourney aftermath.

i went on tiptoe to give him a beso, but he gave me a big hug,
"how are you?are you okay?"...

i swear. i tried not to cry.

somewhere between the then of the 12 months that have past and the now when i was locked in this man-child's embrace, sudden rush of thoughts and images flooded me all at once. threatening to knock the wind out of me. and i felt warm.

it was that kind of hug that offers solace. security.
it was the kind of embrace that underlines a silent promise - that at times of piercing melancholy, one is not alone.

it was a tangible affirmation of better things to come.
and somehow, being with two of the best guy buds in the calling i once practiced,
i felt a sliver of peace and bliss settled in my core.

i'm good. i'm okay, i told him. and he looked me straight into my eyes. and i smiled. and i found my voice. much stronger. coming in a fluid blast.

"i'm okay kuya."
"fyi, i'm now dating," i winked at him.
furiously trying to hid my embarassment. given a fraction more, i would have cried....happily though. but it was good that i was able to blink back the tears.

it felt great to be with them...even if only for a while.

i've always had this tough facade. nothing could make me blink. no one could make me cry. i could take care of myself. i'm the best person to vent one's frustrations with. the most reliable shoulder to cry on. i have this rather fascinating ability to shut down on my personal issues and attend to other person's needs first. lend time to others, rather than confront my own concerns.

maybe, that's why when i've had my fill of everyone's shit, some are shock to know that i am capable of crying.

well, newsflash!!! I'm also human.
i breathe. i feel. i laugh. i get hurt. i smile. i get disappointed.
i fall in love.
i cuss. i curse.

while some thinks i'm a mutant, well i have my weakness too.
even Superman has his Kryptonite moments right?

si Kuya Cois idol ng lahat. kuya ng lahat. gustong i-please ng halos lahat ng bagitong kilala ko.
madalas siyang busy. madalas siyang maraming kausap. marami siyang kaibigan. marami siyang ka-jam. marami siyang drinking buddy. coffee body.
pero nung time na hinug niya ako, naramdaman ko, 'yung sincere concern niya...

i felt a rekindled bond.
something that must've been blurred by the daily grind perhaps, the infrequency of our meetings, the sparse test messages/emails/calls.

but it was just great to see him again.