this one's into my head now

EL DEBARGE lyrics

chick's baseball and my pen.

They call a short stay in baseball "a cup of coffee," and that's what I had, but it was a cup of coffee at the best table in the best joint in town.
--- Chick Benetto, for one more day (mitch albom)

mitch albom's newest piece is my current read.
actually, the impulsive buyer in me trampled all over my senses that before i had an idea of what's going on, i believe i have marched to the counter cradling albom's books - for one more day and 5 people you meet in heaven - and have fished the plastic card from my wallet.

promptly paid my purchase. no second thoughts, without looking back.

now, i am thoroughly enjoying every page of the book.

fact is, i have stopped on this particular page in which the preceeding paragraph falls.
it made me pause, think and reflect - on thoughts that i have set aside, but kept on resurfacing. stuff that bubbles inside my head that sometimes won't let me be still.

hmmm...how do i start? might as well let my mind drift and allow my hands to do the typing.

Chick's a baseball player who has crossed the rainbow of the game - the World Series. Chick has played in the Major League and figured in the World Series.
after that, nada.

He blew his knee, was healed, played in the Minor League. but that was as far as he goes.

he ended up being a salesman.

he had the best that life had to offer. but it wasn't enough....

i haven't finished the novel yet, but somehow, the epiphanies are humbling and small spurts of affirmation simply juts out from the pages.

Chick's line is parallel to every mainstream journalist's creed, you're only as good as your last copy.

this line made me work my ass off in every story i submit to my editor when i was still in active duty as a sportswriter. being one of the few female sportswriters added pressure to make good in my chosen profession, prove that i have something in between my ears, was more than just a pretty face and punctuated my article with hardwork and dedication that has earned for me the (then much sought-after) byline and respect of colleagues.

and then i left. worked as an editor in foreign land. came back. enjoyed my brief stint in the academe. and then joined a broadcast network.

i have never turned my back to writing. it has, and will always be my one true love. writing has kept me sane. made me still. allowed me to cry and comforted me best. writing has been my constant source of smiles. and it has never left me wounded.

and so, every now and then i pick up my pen and seek for a story waiting to see print.

sometimes, i'm successful. but there are times, i feel broken-hearted.

i had the best time of my life getting my nails inked. scribbling madly post-game interviews. waking up early for an exclusive. beating deadlines. wracking my brains for the perfect lead. hacking away my story on some beaten typewriter. helping out my editor to put our magazine to bed. receiving fan mails. getting patted on the back by people i thought i would never impress. be praised by people who actually knew i exist.

it was a giddy experience. pretty much like riding on a small boat and admiring the surrounding beauty from the outside. almost surreal. ethereal. and i could still taste the cloudy, heady sensation tingling and tracing the insides of my cheeks, rolling on my tongue, bouncing and bumping into every fiber of my body.

it's that giddy.

it was one of the best chapters in my life.

somehow it defined me.

gave birth to several realizations. unveiled friendships that are meant to be for keeps, and some that could only go too far. it has stripped people off their masks, and taught me that i should know better.

it was one of the best street in my journey and being led into it was like having the best teacher in class.

it was like getting the best seat in a concert, the performer pausing and dedicating that one favorite song of the moment and just cherishing the performance especially for me.

wow.

now, i am in a different field. huddled with an entirely new cast. and as i embrace new challenge to my growth, i am flipping the page of my book so i can write on a fresh leaf now.

no last copies for this girl, only fresh ones to make. >wink!<

it's all because you kissed me goodnight...wish ko lang!

I've been looking for this poem since i heard it from a classmate back in my freshmen year.
whew! college days pa 'yun!

thanks Bro H!!!! You're the Man. ahahahahay


Said My Pajamas and Put on My Prayers

I climbed up the door, and opened the stairs;
I said my pajamas and put on my pray'rs,
I turned off the bed and crawled into the light
And all because you kissed me goodnight.


Next morning I woke and scrambled my shoes;
I shined up an egg, then I toasted the news;
I buttered my tie, and took another bite;
And all because you kissed me goodnight.


By evening I felt normal, so we went out again
You said "Goodnight," and kissed me,
I hurried home and then I climbed up the door, and opened up the stairs;
I said my pajamas and put on my pray'rs;
I turned off the bed, and crawled into the light
And all because you kissed me goodnight.

I powdered my hair, and pinned up my nose;
I hung up the bath, and I turned on my clothes;
I put out the clock, and wound the cat up tight;
And all because you kissed me goodnight.


I ran up the shade and pulled down the stair;
I curled up the rug, and I vacuumed my hair;
I just couldn't tell my left foot from my right;

And all because you kissed me goodnight.

By evening I felt normal, so we went out again
You said, "Goodnight," and kissed me, I hurried home and then
I lifted the preacher and called up the phone;
I spoke to the dog, and I threw your Ma a bone;
'Twas midnight, and yet the sun was shining bright,
And all because you kissed me goodnight.

goodmorning Sunshine!!!

this email made me smile.
i love how this week started and how each morning is punctuated with a shared guffaw.
a hearty laugh. and underlined with an abundance of smile.

and i'm sooooo loving it. =)

special thanks to my handsome bro, Haeroldous. i hope i spelled your name right. hahaha


After A While

after a while you learn the subtle difference
between holding a hand and chaining a soul,

and you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
and company doesn't mean security,

and you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises,

and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open,
with the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child.

and you learn to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans,
and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.

after a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much.
so plant your own garden and decorate your own soul,
instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

and you learn that you really can endure...
that you really are strong, and you really do have worth.
and you learn and learn...with every goodbye, you learn.

(by Veronica Shoffstoll - 1971)

hmmm..

i don't like fat. pork fat. beef fat. lamb fat. chicken fat.
perhaps, the only fat that i could tolerate are the ones attached to my body...and sinigang na bangus belly.

two days ago, we had nilagang baka for lunch.

i have scooped the veggies - cabbage, lettuce, squash, beans - and was stoking the serving bowl with my fork, looking for the beef. with no fat, of course. finding none, i asked Nanay how come it's all fat. of course, that's not entirely true. there are beef chunks in the broth, but the cut parts are not exactly to my liking..so i went to scoop some from the casserole.

but i have finished the beef with gusto and i was in want of some more.

i wandered again if there's still some more beef.
you know what my Nanay did?
hiniwa niya ang karne na nasa plato niya. inilagay niya ang lahat ng laman sa plato ko, at tuloy ang kaniyang pagkain habang kami'y nagkukuwentuhan.

I JUST LOVE MY MOM.

sleepless and surfing.

it's two minutes past one in the morning. and i should really be sleeping right now.
but then again, i am too hooked-up with the net, surfing - people from the past, friends, colleagues, high school crushes - that i've been waving off sleep's incessant call.

and now i'm blogging.

i met up with my very good friend yesterday - DJ.

though i'd rather stay home and run my CSI DVD Marathon, there's something with the way her SMS sounded that i felt i should meet her.
and so we met, lunched, went to the supermarket and gabbed.

cradling coffee cups in our hands, taking itsy bites of the New York Cheesecake that idly sits on the marble top between us. gabbing about life. on the two high school friends we saw with their respective girlfriends. past loves. her kids. high school. her siblings. her mom. my work. my being a workaholic. my lovelife - or lack of it (hahahahaha).

DJ asked if i'm okay. i smiled. i gave her a reassuring smile.
of course. i'm loving life, and i guess it's pretty obvious with the way how things are going right now.

one's happiness need not be anchored on someone.
one has to be happy by herself, before she could find happiness by being with another.

i am happy. not exactly contentd, but i feel blessed.

i know, one day soon, i'll be happier and would be feeling more blessed.

and when that day comes, i know, more people will be happy for me.

my bad, it's Emily.

it was just the affirmation i needed.
the title of the previous post was also the title of Emily Dickinson's poem, and not Frost.
my loud musing paid off as Tel (who keeps tab of my wanderings via this blog by the way, hehehehe) SMSed me.

the past week was exhausting. but it was the kind of exhaustion that you get to appreciate come weekend....it was a productive week as well.

after hieing off to Iloilo for the Pinoy Pop Superstar Roadshow in Iloilo, wherein i was reunited anew with these very beautiful palanggas...


at heto pa....

i had to pack my bags again for the two-day team-building seminar that my Corp.Comm. Family had cooked-up in Subic held last Thursday and Friday.
lahat ng gurls sa Family, magaganda!


it was a blast! especially, when my group won the overall games....

the PATA Team. hahahaha

this is my new FAMILY now...


and my 'mumsie' and 'pops' ....
i am sooooo blessed to have all of them...and was blessed more to share a day and a half with them with no PC to harass me. hahahahaha


and i've never felt more energized and inspired to start working again.
hahahahaha
talk about being a sucker for work.

that's me.

was it Frost?

After great Pains, a Formal feeling comes.
(sabi ko nga sa shoutout ko sa Friendster) it's not just me waxing romantic. it's me being thankful that i have lived and loved with the kind of passion that have driven me to an ecstatic bliss and abysymal lows, with enough passion that had me fragmented and made me whole again.

while the process of being shattered is something that i wouldn't wish even to my enemies (wala naman 'ata akong enemy...not that i'm a saint) I believe, it's the ultimate test of one's strength and character.

one could only be thankful that it's over.

i was talking to J (chatting was more like it) yesterday.
and i was recounting an Iloilo trip. i was conjuring the imagery with the best words that my mind could spit. and i was smiling the entire time.
i was sharing a story of two wonderful persons who stamped the nose-shaped province with their spirit but did not end up together.

the story was beautifully sad.
and the lips (well, the hands actually did the typing...so there.) that carried the tale could only spell enough melancholy.

J said it was sad. i agree. but the beauty there, i guess, is the capacity to remember and actually tell the story by being sad no more.

so, it's me. hahaha

i'm just happy sharing that thought 'coz i'm back in the same place, walking the walks and inhaling the throbbing spirit of the city.

sabi ko nga kay J, the spirit of the moment is gone. only the memories remain.

why am i writing it?

so that those who are hurting (are you listening JR? hahaha) will know that it's alright to feel sorry for themselves, to mourn, to grieve, to feel depress, to own their pain, and then start living again and then move one.

we are all entitled to feel the anguish that every separation brings.
to feel helpless. to feel unloved. uncared. unwanted. inadequate.

and after indulging in the pain, once must know that it's time to live and move on.

sometimes kasi, we need affirmations that it's okay to cry. to actually let the aggrieved person cry rather than stifle the hurt that's wrestling and wracking one's very core.

it is in crying (wail if you must) that we find the perfect way to exhaust every intangible and fractured piece of spirit that is bottled in our core. kundi, mabu-buang lang tayo.

to cry is to exhale; to unburden our spirit with numbing blows; to cry is to purge ourselves with crippling abstracts that may forever leave us dented.

tough as how some people see me, i cry.

because it is in crying that i find my strength. knowing that i have shed tears and wiped away the last of my sobs, i can look forward to being whole again. finding my smile. welcoming sunshine back into my life.

something that i am now.

After Great Pains, Formal Feeling Comes.

iloilo musings.

i started my week by hopping on to Cebu Pac's second morning flight bound for Iloilo.
it's me, at work.
in the midst of the frentic and exciting press meet i've mounted last night, my Big Boss texted me about the DEparttment's out-of-town team-building by the middle of this week.

i'm Subic-bound as soon as i hit Manila tomorrow.

i smiled...well, i actually bit my lip from laughing.

literally, i am living my life in a suitcase...at least for the month of May!

i just have barely enough time to unload my soiled clothing to make room for fresh ones; just having enough allowance to let my suitcase breathe for a few hours before i lug it to our new destination.

cool no? it's not me bragging. it's me, just feeling awesome and blessed at the same time to go around and meet real nice people....and i know, it's in mingling and meeting these new faces and making new friends and whiling time and conversing with them that i grow.

and it's this facet of my work that i really enjoy the most.

true that i get tired. i feel worn-out.
but the sense of fulfillment that i get is something that refreshes me at the same time.

hmmmm.