was it Frost?

After great Pains, a Formal feeling comes.
(sabi ko nga sa shoutout ko sa Friendster) it's not just me waxing romantic. it's me being thankful that i have lived and loved with the kind of passion that have driven me to an ecstatic bliss and abysymal lows, with enough passion that had me fragmented and made me whole again.

while the process of being shattered is something that i wouldn't wish even to my enemies (wala naman 'ata akong enemy...not that i'm a saint) I believe, it's the ultimate test of one's strength and character.

one could only be thankful that it's over.

i was talking to J (chatting was more like it) yesterday.
and i was recounting an Iloilo trip. i was conjuring the imagery with the best words that my mind could spit. and i was smiling the entire time.
i was sharing a story of two wonderful persons who stamped the nose-shaped province with their spirit but did not end up together.

the story was beautifully sad.
and the lips (well, the hands actually did the typing...so there.) that carried the tale could only spell enough melancholy.

J said it was sad. i agree. but the beauty there, i guess, is the capacity to remember and actually tell the story by being sad no more.

so, it's me. hahaha

i'm just happy sharing that thought 'coz i'm back in the same place, walking the walks and inhaling the throbbing spirit of the city.

sabi ko nga kay J, the spirit of the moment is gone. only the memories remain.

why am i writing it?

so that those who are hurting (are you listening JR? hahaha) will know that it's alright to feel sorry for themselves, to mourn, to grieve, to feel depress, to own their pain, and then start living again and then move one.

we are all entitled to feel the anguish that every separation brings.
to feel helpless. to feel unloved. uncared. unwanted. inadequate.

and after indulging in the pain, once must know that it's time to live and move on.

sometimes kasi, we need affirmations that it's okay to cry. to actually let the aggrieved person cry rather than stifle the hurt that's wrestling and wracking one's very core.

it is in crying (wail if you must) that we find the perfect way to exhaust every intangible and fractured piece of spirit that is bottled in our core. kundi, mabu-buang lang tayo.

to cry is to exhale; to unburden our spirit with numbing blows; to cry is to purge ourselves with crippling abstracts that may forever leave us dented.

tough as how some people see me, i cry.

because it is in crying that i find my strength. knowing that i have shed tears and wiped away the last of my sobs, i can look forward to being whole again. finding my smile. welcoming sunshine back into my life.

something that i am now.

After Great Pains, Formal Feeling Comes.