Christmas rush..rushing past me...thoughts and among other things...

Christmas peeks from atop our tree, its somewhat cool breath kissing me into consciousness for quite some mornings now.

the warmth of my blanket is one seduction i willingly succumbed to, for three straight days in row now. and there's no trace of guilt scratching my insides, only child-like pleasure coming in ticklish spurts...like skipping classes for a day after faking a tummy ache.

stepping into the day's semi-maddening Christmas rush, i was greeted with the build-up of well, rush.

People rush to and fro - dotting the avenues at first, then it becomes a stream of bodies colliding in a steady flow filling every city's niche, sealing the gaps between tiangges, avenidas and compartments of every mall.

Traffic jams flavor the start of my office trek. The incessant chatter of bonuses and conversations sprinkled with discontent punctures the ears once too often.

In the middle of the rush I take my pause and watch.

Somehow, I smile.

Christmas is rushing past me. pretty much like how a sand sifts through one's fingers. how a dew evaporates at the sun's first kiss. how the leaves of a makahiya folds at the slightest touch....that fast.

I wonder if its spirit leaves that fast as well the hearts of people who seem to celebrate it...or have they lost its essence completely.

Christmas...it's my favorite season of the year. I like Christmas best, sometimes, way much better than my birthdays.

I like the smell of puto bumbong and bibingka cloaking the air. the sound of Christmas carols filtering into my room, waking me up every weekend morning and i'd just be content spending an extra 30minutes on my sack.humming along or mentally checking the gifts i'd hope to buy for family and friends....I like Christmas mornings and Misa de Aguinaldo. Noche Buena.

the prelude to Christmas is just as exciting...company parties, dinners with friends. shopping for gifts. wrapping gifts. giving gifts. watching them open the gifts. being greeted with 'Merry Christmas'......

months before the December wind took its first nip at my mornings, i had a romantic scenario of what my Christmas 2005 would be...i would be there, sitting beside our family tree. post noche buena and all the gifts have been opened...i would be sitting there with My Guy. the lights are off saved for the tiny blinking bulbs strung up together and looped around our evergreen. and we would just be sitting there, probably drinking chai or tea. maybe sing a carol together or recap the year that is slowly coming to a close...

but that would remain to be just a pretty foresight that might not reach fruitition. because I remains an "I" and the "us" has ceased to be.

am i sad? not really. just waxing some thoughts. Christmas comes more on a reflective note this time...making me clear off some cobwebs in my mind.

the cold breeze that's quite typical at this time of the year, during this season would have frozen my heart and my spirit..but i could say, i have regained a good part of myself and i am happy.

i had happier times.
but i am not complaining.

i can smile my smile and manage a guffaw that doesn't comes off in shallow farts. =)

Christmas.
The Christmas-ey feeling hasn't reached its summit yet - well, at least in my personal barometer...but i know, it'll get there...just before the bell tolls for the Misa de Aguinaldo peels off...