carbs.

coming from a cornucopia of sickness --- ranging from inflamed tonsils and fever to nasty cold and stubborn cough, i thought i wouldn't be able to face the day wherein i could inhale normally. sigh. i'm well. i should be happy, right? well, i am.

i'm finally up on my two feet again. smelling the smells (duh!), inhaling this metropolis' gagging fumes and independent when it comes to preparing my meals and eating them.
but what i'm not exactly about is that, my system's back into its carb-craving self.
can't do without my junk food. can't live without my chocolate bar.
and once more, i am back to square one.
trying to strip away the carbs from my regular foodie intake.

syet.
it's pretty much like caffeine withdrawal. and i'm really hurting. huhuhuhu
hehehehehe

well, doin' away with rice is easy.
just wink it off. >wink!< >wink!< >wink!<
it's the sweets that's really piling up the lard in my anatomy.
yikes! not really a pleasant thought. erase. erase.
sigh. it's just not an easy thing. add to this is the infrequent trips i've been making to the gym as of late. sigh.

just gotta get my groove back. gotta get my groove back. gotta get my groove back.

there. typing and saying that phrase three times, hopefully, would rub some effect on me.

"Tarantado"

'steeg 'tong salitang 'to.
kagabi, pagkatapos naming mag-usap ng friend kong si "T", shempre, magka-text pa rin kami. parang SOP na 'ata 'yun sa mga babae..na kakatapos lang mag-tsikahan ng kung ilang oras, 'di pa rin makuntento at ilalabas at ilalabas ang mobile phone para kutkutin at pumindot ng ilang pahabol pang mensahe.

Tarantado.
iba ang dating ng katagang ito.
malakas. may kakaibang gaspang na akmang-akma sa dapat patungkulan.
nagbatuhan muna kami ng ilan pang text message ni "T".

nagkatawanan.
ramdam ang masidhing pagkakasundo sa paggamit ng naturang kataga.
nakakatuwa. nakakatawa.
matagal ko na ring 'di nagagamit ang katagang 'to ah.
sa katagalan, nanumbalik ang orihinal na kahulugan.

Tarantado.
magaspang ang ugali. may bahid ng kabalahuraan.
bara-bara. bastos. walang pasubali sa matagal nang nakagawian. barubal.
wala akong pakialam kung hindi man ito ang pormal na kahulugan ng salitang 'tarantado'. dahil kahit saan mo man sukatin, ang salitang tinuringan ay kasing-kahulugan din ng "kagaspangan" ng pag-uugali 'di ba?

may mga tao na ganito.
sa katotohanan, marami. 'di lang sandakot.
sandamakmak.
'sang batalyon.

bakit mas nakakapagod ang maupo?

kakatapos lang ng corporate planning namin. ganun pala 'yun. nakaka-drain. nakakapagod.nakakapiga.nakaka-dehydrate...na kahit sandamakmak na tubig na ata ang nilaklak ko, pagkalabas na pagkalabas ko ng executive lounge, pakiramdam ko, piniga ako ng husto hanggang sa walang nang pumatak na ideya, lakas, salita, opinyon at hininga mula sa aking kaibuturan.

bakit nga ba ganun ang pakiramdam, gayong nakaupo naman kami sa isang komportableng silid. may air-conditioner na banayad na pinalalamig ang kalamnan ng bawat katawang nagpipilit na magpaka-seryoso sa katatapos lang na pagpupulong.

bakit nga ba mas nakakapagod ang maupo?
dahil ba sa limitado ang paggalaw sa pagsusulat, pakikinig, pagtingin sa powerpoint presentation, panaka-nakang pagsagot at pagtango at pag-iling ng mga ulo?
dahil ba sa bigat ng mga nakaambang mga gawain na isa-isang binabalangkas at unti-unting binibigyang diin?
dahil ba sa kaalamang pagkatapos ng pagpupulong, mas matinding trabaho ang nakaabang?

pwede.
lahat ng nabanggit, mangyayari. pipiliting mangyari. at marami pang iba.

movies.

it's Friday and a little past 5p.m.
i should be on the move now...but heck.
a lot of good movies to watch - Flyboys, Step Up, The Guardian, DOA, The Departed.
so many nice flick, so little time...
hmmm...does this mean i should be spending less time with Gil, Nick and Warren?
hmmm...no way! CSI Vegas marathons are way, way more important. hehehehehehe

pseudo-relationships.

pseudo-relationships.

i was skimming through my inbox, weeding out the forwarded messages that must've been tucked for God-knows-how long and re-reading emails that would fancy me when i came across this particular missive from an officemate.
pseudo-relationships.

'yung parang kayo pero hindi. sa salitang pangkulit, "mag-un kuno". hehehehehe

and then i smiled at the same time shaking my head.
and it made me recall certain points in my life wherein i've nearly figured in those kinds of situations. recount episodes wherein i've come to realize that maybe i was in that kind of period but i'm not really too keen being sandwiched in such a relationship.

maybe it has something to do with being one of the boys and then again...whatever.

i've always enjoyed good rapport with the opposite sex.
i find them (at least most of them) rather uncomplicated - in as far as eating patterns, movie-watching, wardrobe shopping, beer-drinking, anything-under-the-sun gabbing.
it doesn't matter if i eat twice as much, grab more pizza, down equal amounts of alcohol, wear my most drab clothes or balloon to 160 pounds.

simply put, members of the male species (at least most of them) make good friends.

(of course, this does not mean that i don't have female friends.
i've got a handful and am very happy with their company as well. nothing beats a Girls' Nightout or Pig Out Fridays.)

punto de vista es, most of the guys i've become good friends with are without qualms. straight to the point. sensible without being too frilly.

or maybe it's just because i feel more comfortable around guys.

talking platonic here.
but when guy friends started to act funny that's when one (i) become, well, confused.
and how do they act funny? well, when they started asking and doing stuff that they don't normally do. and then you'd be left wondering why. and before you know it, you're taking that unfamiliar ride to pseudo-relationships with creatures who would hardly qualify as quasi-boyfriends. hah.

pseudo-relationships. yes. maybe, that's what these guys are after.

you're content being the best gal pal-slash-buddy. and then the next thing you know, he's hitting on you, silently nudging the relationship towards the next level. but where?
you don't know. and of course, you wouldn't want to assume so much.

that's why such relationships prosper.

women won't assume something unless men verbalized their thoughts.
and so, "friendship" prospers together with the "extras" that comes with it.

again, giving guys maximum advantage and the femmes maximum potential emotional damage...after all, when pseudo-relationships don't graduate to "official boyfriend-girlfriend thing" guys will always lick that well-used line - "we're just friends".
aminin na natin, babae lagi ang dehado, lalo na kung nagbubulag-bulagan sa nagnanaknak na posibilidad na wala rin namang patutunguhan ang ganitong mga relasyon.

because such relationships only entertains the concept of "you" and "me", never an "us".

it's either the guy is not ready to commit or is in a relationship ("trapped" is the common prefix adjective) and is "just waiting for the right time to break-up".
please. give me a break. the lines are soooooo festering in the gutters together with feline muck, care to be more creative?
but guess what, no break-ups sweetie. why give-up one when he could enjoy the affection of two, right?

because such relationships only entertains the concept of "you" and "me", never an "us".

fellow members of the female species are reduced to human "receptacles".
walking emotional convenient stores.
and the sad part in that, they allow themselves to be.

what's my take in such socio-emotional trappings?
beware. it's not bound to last.
beware. but if you're in for the kilig factor, then go for it. but don't expect too much.
hope for the best, expect the worst.

and when the worst slaps you in the face, don't go around bawling your eyes out.
you should have been forewarned of being burned.
because moths and flame don't really make good company.

scribbles

"mula ulo hanggang paa, mahal kita" --- Lovestory in Harvard

---o0o---

i look gloomy, so says my fave boss R.
truth is, i'm just tired.
it's almost two weeks since i took a few days off after being pinned to my bed by a bad flu. still, the colds and coughs that came with it hounds me like a stubborn dandruff on my scalp. argh.

my tito kiddied me.
para na daw akong durugista sa dami ng iniinom kong gamit.

yes. been popping pills into my mouth like it's popcorn.
lemme see:

Solmux for my cough, 500 mg.
Revicon, to keep me going, 500 mg.
Ascorbic Acid, to speed up my immune system's recovery, 2,000 mg.

yes. from a healthy no-Vit. taker, i've fastly evolved into a Pill Popper.
and i hate it.
i hate the feeling of being sick. i totally dislike the sound of my scratchy voice.
my nasty cough attack. my embarassing cold.
and i especially don't like the gloomy, bland look that i've been sporting for almost a week now.

my face looks gloomy. my skin does not look healthy.
sheesh. i look like someone who could use a total makeover. and i kid you not.

what's more, work seems to pile before my eyes faster than i could even scribble my latest task inside my head.

corporate slave, that's me.
my mom's worried now. worried that i've been sickly as of late.
if you're in my shoes, i know, you'd understand her.
juggling two responsibilities at the same time is something not for laughs.


before, i used to give my colleague a run for the Employee Who Does Not Need A Sick Leave.
a few days back, i surprised myself when i gave our EA an advisory that i won't be showing up for work. and then repeated the feat on the following day.
whew. talk about having a first time for everything.

but inspite of what happened, i had a good day of rest for myself.

CSI marathons are the best i tell you.

and now i have fallen in love with Nick Stokes. Warrick Brown. and yes, Gil Grissom.