maxed out.

maxed out.
want me to define it? just look at me at this very minute.
'coz i am the very definition of someone who is. maxed out, what else?

try doing this for the day:
write two releases just before an 11am set visit to antipolo. have it printed. prepare the kits. seal the envelopes.

lunch with press people.
keep them occupied, interested for the next hour as the van makes its way to an exclusive suburb in Antipolo City (thank God they're such an accomodating and warm bunch!).

once on the set, arrange for a stream of interviews.
keep the interview going.
engage in a (short of) four-hour gabfest.

as soon as stepping into your batcave - my cube. my recluse. - pump up the PC.
finish tree more set of press releases.
finish three column feeds.
tick off the task done (thank God, i've wiped them off already).

and most of all, try not to remember the scarring line that one bastard casually dropped.
try not to be pissed off.
at least for the meantime.
try to erase every vivid memory of that five-second rubout.
pretend that you're unaffected.
pretend you don't care.
pretend you're not hurt.
pretend you're invinsible.
casually shake it off. pretend it wasn't an insensitive brush off.

pretend.

be casual.

AT LEAST, FOR THE MEANTIME.

then, when the clock strikes at 6:30 p.m. let it all out.
silently.
like a steam off a whistling kettle.

can you do that?

i just did.

am maxxed out.